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Yutta!!! My dad's hopefully getting my laptop christmas gift on Sunday (yay for Aldi being cheap but goooood *pets 6 year old pc*) It has built in webcam and mic and and it has a finger print recogniser!!!!  plus 160GB HD which will work out well XDD This laptops gonna be so useful for when I go to Cons or just stashing things parents should never see >_> *looks at Sian Nii-chan* you know what I mean XP

Today Sians coming down to stay for hte weekend. Her Hara doll came through the post on Monday a whole day early! That was some fast shipping it only took two weeks to arrive. I must admit the box feels kinda light in my oppinion so I'm hoping everythings in there x_x if not then the site will have two upset bunnies complaining XD;

I've noticed I have the tendancy to use faces alot and my typing seems stuck on useing u and r's instead of your and such so I think I'll try to correct that as I noticed in college (when I went, I hope it burns) I was still typing u on occasion and had to change it hahaha! Opppsies?

I'm still not 100% sure what doll I want but since on Sat Mana and Sian are both gonna be here I'm gonna show them a photo and let them compair with me... Ducan and Camine would both pull off the look I'm after in their own way but I want to be able to get it through the post and go "Yeah thats me boy!" instead of then desiding his profile doesnt suit what I'm after and naming him after one of my other characterys....

I'm so cold!!!! And the Dr hasnt goten back to me so I'm asuming my blood samples were fine but he's got till next week to phone me then I'll know I 100% dont have what he thought I had. Into which I'll be putting an appointment on to see him again and go "well why are my joints sore, cracking a heck of alot and popping out of place too often. And WHY is my back sore from standing to long or sitting in crappy hard backed seats!? Tell meeeeeeee" and hopefully he'll find a answer XD . I should propbably ask why I never gain weight... I eat the biggest load of crap that'd make any normal person obeice and yet I lose weight. I lost half a stone in the space of a month (at the most) but then again I was ill then had the flu..... meh!

I'm sure I was gonna type something else but meh cant remember so woot! *wanders off to eat*

Rawr

Well thats me left college and just by signing up for the "brew". Hopefully I'll get a job faster now because all my attempts at getting work has failed so far *shakes fist at all the companies who havnt even sent a letter back* 

I'm so sleepy *nods off*

Screw friggen college!

Lets start at the top shall I?
A couple of weeks ago in Accounts mine and Mana's lecturer accused us of cheating during an assesment. Which I'd like ot point out we did not do. A good 2/3 weeks today...

I woke up and didnt feel to social in fact I w as feeling very anti-social. I just wanted to lay in my bed and ignore the world but alas I had college so I couldnt. Went into college and Mana and I sat and did the first class no bother infct I was getting a tiny bit happy till I remembered "accounts" and then my mood dampened just as fast... So we got in and everyone was talking about their assements so she handed out people their assesments one after another then by the end she said to Mana and I "I'd like to talk to use about your after class" so we went to wait everyone got out 15 mins early and then Diane (the accounts lecturer) said Steven wanted to see us about our assesment. Steven is what people call a mean guy and scares people... He's the head of accounts, like that matters? Aaaanyway around 4o'clock he finally turned up saying he wanted to talk to us individually. Mana went first she came ot looknig upset then I went in. He basically bullied me in his own way, saying that I couldnt be trusted in a work place for cheating and stuff and that nothing else mattered and I was wasting my time there and I couldnt be trused and that Mana and I'd be seporated, different timetable. I was so upset he never even listened or let me speak he told me to shush and when I tried to explain he basically shunned what I was trying to say. So I really dont want to go to college anymore..... I've never been so embarased crying before! 
I'm gonna ask my dad what he thinks... But he'll probably, hopefully agree with me. I cant put up with that class or guy anymore. I'm about to head desk and like grab somthing heave and lob it around... Anything breaks, oh well?

I'm not in the mood anymore......... u_u

Hm..

First of all I'm still ill. The Dr took blood samples from me on Wednesday he's testing to see if I have inflaimed athritis (bloody hope not) and because I kinda had the flu last week the Nurse desided to up the inhailer dosage but it's not helping all that well. I'm still short of breath often and such. Got an appointment to go to hte Nurse again on the 7th Dec (if anyone knows why that date sounds familure please tell me xD)

I dunno I kinda feel lonley right now. I have no idea why I just do... Meh I might go watch a few movies or something.

I feel like I should at LEAST have my costume materials in. And unfortunatly I A: Dont and B: Cant which is kinda crappies.

I'm ment to march in the Rememberance Praide tomorrow and carry the company colours but unfortunatly 'm not sure because of my short breathness and sickyness. I am gonna get up in time to go but if it's raining and gail force winds I dont think I'll manage which is kinda a bummer.

My cousin Ally came up today but I havnt seen her yet. She promised to bring my  stuff back but lets see if that happens as she's been promising to give me my stuff back for a good 4 years and I'm slowly beginning to loose hope of getting any of it back which makes me sad... u_u

Sian nii-chans BJD is due through the post I'm guessing at the latest Monday since they said 3 days. Parcelforce is still saying the last record of it was when it left SOUEL post office so meh lets see >_>

I went looking into my BJD love options. I had wanted Ducan as he made me squeal inside but until I see either A: a Ducan or B: a more slitted eye BJD I will resist his gorgouse temptation. So I turned to Camine my 2nd BJD love to discover from Kazzi that  DOD dont do proper make-up requests which I feel is slightly unfair as youare paying for it there for you should be entitled to get what u want. So if I contact them before ordering him to find the wont combine two of the 4 make-ups they do then I'm not sure if I'll want Camine... Which is a shame as his face and eye shape would fit my boys persona really well. I also went looking for clothing and for him. Havnt really seen anything I like TT_TT

I renewed my love for An Café XDD I had lost it a good year ago nom nom shemexy men! EXCEPT the new guy with the curly blonde hair which looks like a wig... he's so uuuuuuuuugle ;_;

Well I'm bored and such so I'm not gonna hunt for things to do... and try and heat up.

Ill why me TT_TT!

well I've been ill for a good month or more now and my Drs appointments for tomorrow. I'm basically falling appart so lets see what my Dr can do! I've had trouble sleeping the last... 3 days and hte past two I've kept waking up due to the fact my airways desded "lets close over and suffocate her" leaving my flailing and gasping for breath. My throats so sore too from all hte coughing making swallowing anything such a task... Even drinknig cold juice hurts TT_TT
Wo is meeeee!!! Mrs Pixie Lady make me well again Y_Y

*leaves to infect the college >_> *

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College

Well as some people know I had a shawdy time at college last year because of this and that... Right now most that isnt of interest... annnnnyway  well I've come to the conclusion college is not for me. I must give off these "Pick on me and hate me" vibes to the lecturers or something! I feel like I have wasted my time this afternoon in that accounts class, which means I've basically wasted my whole time in this course in general.

Why doesnt things go my way? Why do I never get what I want? Not even a small little thing thats not too important!?? *le sigh* I guess I have all the unluckyness in the world and I just cant seem to get rid of it... Someone pass me luck TT_TT *sob*

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[Enter here]

Yeaaah titles I hate them...!

Aaaanycoos!

I got up at 8:30am on Saturday after staying up kinda late, after finishing off the drawing for Sian Nii-chan!, into which I pcked, showered, packed again, had to chat to my neddy cousin Amy, phoned Sian with a up to 3 hrs warning, then hopped on the 10:30 bus finally getting onto the 11:09 train to Glasgow and worked my way to Sians for about 1:25 ish into which I changed, todded stuff around and we both went to get the train, for me, back into Glasgow Central where we got the group of people that came up for Sians birthday (yaaaaaaaay), did out wee thing for a hr ish then went to see, I think it's called, It's all about Chuck and Larry (I know the Chuck and Larry bit is right though XD) had quite a giggle in there!  Went to the chinese with a 8:00 reservation and we all sat down to eat. Bleh bleh bleh with some munch munch munchies! Then Reppy appeard :D had a banter and she like sucking her Large. Thick. Lolly. (yes I abreviated it for all the perv who get it I guess u can figure what went on ^_~ XD) Aaaanyway ended up leaving there and couldnt think of where else to go, Kinda glad we never went to the gay bar as if it was dry ice smoke machine I'd have had an asthma attack there and then, so we floated back to Sians with a extra person more than Sian's mum said she was allowed XD being... Sian, Me, Reppy, Yuka, Nickle and Pudding! Did our stuff with Nickle, Pudding and Yuka sleeping in Sians room on the Double bed in the end up with Sian and Reppy sleeping one two single inflatibal beds. I wasnt battleing with a bed and trying to stay on with another person so I stayed up ALL night... against my better judgement which I ended up regretting! So when Yuka, Nickle and Pudding got up and redy Nickle came into the livingroom into which I peared out from the computer room to look at her owlishly she said they'd be leaving so, so I went and got ready. Left with them all of us huggle Sian and Reppy XD then left. Got into the station and I didnt see a single Largs train on the board (as I know on a Sunday hteres no Ardrossan Towns, yay for my knowledge! :3) so I waited and asked in the que for the ticket people. The guy told me "There arnt any trains running but the buses are out the main exit to take u just ask the people there". ZOMG I was possitive the bus was gonna stall on the moter way and I wa gonna die!!!! The bus was so bad and rickety yet despite that I fell asleep a couple of times.. >_> and instead of doing train station rounds the bus went straight to Ardrossan Harbour!!! I felt like killing someone! So I started the 10 min jounrey into the main road of the town pasing the new asda on the way and missed a bus so I had to wait a whole 15 mins in the cold shade for a bus I wasnt able to walk much further (Sleep deprived and food deprived) When I got home the first thing that happened was I got a bitchy rant of my mum. Needless to say I was quite snappy so meh!

so on so forth I'm too lazy and sleepy so may then bus and train owners burn and the post since they are on strike today... May aswell add them! XD


P.S I found that song linked to a Yaoi music video..... -^_^-''''''''

little bits of info

Well I stayed off college today and I guess I'll be going in tomorrow despite the classes sucking mind you the course is VEEEEEEERY boring.... *le sigh*

On Thursday I have my uncles Funeral to go to, Dad's took time off work so he'll probably drive and such.

Saturday it's Nii-sans birthday into which I'll be going up to Glasgow and probably staying at hers Sat night. I need to plan cosplay and such since it's a fancy dress ^_^ into which I'll now being doing Misa Misa from DeathNote because Sian said most people were cosplaying DN already XD

I want a Dollfie so baaaaaaaaaaaad but I'm too poor the now T_T

Someone employ meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee *sob*

quiz's

it was ment to have quiz's but L desided it hated Micro Word so meh...

Anyway today wasn't to bad...  I still fel kinda ill and my asthma acted up a little so I'm taking tomorrow off college.

Oh oh oh and before I forget I was in a bud acciedent today... A car went to cut through the bus lane causing my bus to crash into it. I nearly went flying over my seat as I like the high seat with the low seat infront. Clung for dear life! I made me late for picking up Mana though, Gomen Mana-chan!! T_T;

Wedding blues...

Well as some people know I had a wedding to attend on Saturday so I went to my cousin's (who was the Groom) to stay there with my parents the night before and after the wedding.
All was well and I was given the responsibility of video taping the wedding from Jim (the groom) and thus I was given the roll without asking first, of course I couldnt have said no but I'd have attempted a puppy pout.
Shona looked pritty in her wedding dress and such as i aint going into details.
We got to the place for the meal and such (I'm typing on 3 hrs sleep here so meh) and the minister was sat at the same table as Shonas Aunt, My Gran, Me, Mary and a few others so I spent a while talking to him at the meal about my GB and Japan and such, he was actually quite interested, much to my amazment (I would also like to take the time out to point out I did not like the meal AT all... I was so dissapointed). My dad said the speach along with Shonas dad's speach and then we were told we could go to the annex where the party can continue which wouldnt disrupt the hotel guests. I still videoing the first dance which was Jim and Shona then Shonas parents were asked to join in, then Jim's dad, my Uncle George, and my mum who was standing in for my Aunt Amy, I made sure to get them all in the shot. Then I did a few other things like trying to go to the toilet alot to avoide my cousin Amy. She's an annoy spoiled, selfish, selfcentered little bitch with her mum Lainey (fat cow) and my Uncle Johnny (Who's dumb at times).  The band that was playing were really good! The singing guy was tiiiiny though which made me giggle... >_> And at this point I would like to know what the main thing that could go wrong by this point would be? You'll find out soon what went wrong... So the night wore people getting more and more drunk, my attempts failing, so I desided since there was about 40 mins till who was left got kicked out (a few people left a good 20 mins prior to that count) i took films of the people dancing as the band were singing more popular songs.
We thought everything was going well we'd go and sleep, rest, talk to people later and not a litle hiccup went wrong... But a full blown problem... My Uncle George, who I had just video taped laughing and dancing, crumpled to the floor hitting his head off a seat on the way down had to get CPR preformed on him, 2 of Shonas Brides Maids were quilified and worked in a hospital started to try and get my Uncle breathing, I ran to the bar and told them to call the Ambulance and the lady game out from the back of the kitchen area to make sure we werent exagerating it's like "For god sake I'm not 100% stupid!!!" All the alcahol in my system seemed to have burned up and gone as I watched them preform CPR... After the girls working on him for 10 mins my thought was "He's gone..." as it was 2 years from the wedding day that my Aunt Amy died and that thought was still there in my head. My dad asked us to go out I had Amy, Her mum, My Gran and mum and me tailed outside. I went back in for hankies and they were still working on my Uncle, my Uncle Johnny was standing back watching getting paler and paler but he didnt want to leave and since he has a bad leg he was better inside in the warmth. I saw Sharon in a corner with a friend of hers and I had to treat her like a child and put on a sweet voice to ask her if she wanted air and maybe a cigarette which she desided she did after bawling "My dad, but he's my dad, my dad, my dad!!" So I gave her hand a squeazy and guided her out the bottom door as Uncle George was on the floor close the the top door as all hte medical people were blocking there after shooing the kids out.
Amy needed the toilet so I guided her in, they were still working on my Uncle George,  apparently he took a couple of breaths on his own then would stop so I had a 5% hope but I knew that wasn't enough so I had to baby most people and pretend, even though I knew in my own mind and thought that it was too late for my Uncle, that he would start breathing and be okay. Shona came out not long after that after sobbing so much inside she was in a daze staring ito space and Jim was getting paler and quieter upon reflecting what was happening. The ambulance arrived 20mins aprox after the call and Amy wanted to keep her dad company so I went in with her again and told her "If you start crying we'll need to go back outside Amy." she just agreed. So we got up there and stood next to my Uncle Johnny and the ambulance crew started to use the shock thing to jump start my Uncles heart... I felt really uncomphartable then seeing his body jolt so un-naturally... Amy saw his legs move as I was hiding her from the rest of the body as I knew it was going to happen, but that set amy off so I dragged her to the toilet and put damp tissue to her eyes to get rid of th blood shot-ness and took hankies outside where my mum had started sobbing. I went back in to get my phone and purse as I left them on the table, they were still shocking my Uncle seeing the look on my dad's face of defete made me realize he wasn't going to wake up, my Uncle was gone and even if they consinued to work on him it wouldnt get him up again. As I went out hte bottom door eyes red Sharon looked up at me and wuith a lost little voice said "Lisa is my Dad alright?" I didnt know what to say I looked at her holding back tears that threatedned to go "They are working on him now Sharon... They are doing all the can for him." And walked over to my more closer family who took refuge on the picnic table next to the main entrance. Amy needed to go to the toilet again, she felt slightly sick so I guided her blocking her view as we went, I took a glance as I blocked Amy's. My Uncles face had gone bluey purpley grey and looked quite ashen. Then that 5% I'd been grimping to completly went and all my hope shattered into little peices. Jim being the eldest had to choose wither they kept trying to bring him back or to let him go. Due ot the fact that they had been working on him for at least 40 mins Jim desided it was best to stop, I felt so sorry for him having to deside that, for it happening on his wedding night. I went in to get bags and such and leave again annd we sat outside again with our stuff as they did the last cheaks and such. I went back in for more tissues as I finally gave up and sobbed my heart out, I hate crying infront of people so I hid myself from view, and I needed tissues desperatly as I gave all the ones I had to family so I went back in to get some just as they were pulling the zip over my Uncle George. 1 and a half hrs after the insident had started we all started to leave. Jim, Shona, Chief Brides Maid and my dad (best man) staying until it was over and they could go and try and sleep. We never considerd sleep till 3 am as we had to make accomidation for Lainey, Amy and my Uncle Johnny as they were ment to be staying at my Uncle Georges. Lainey, Uncle Johnny, My Gran and Mum got no sleep. Amy and I were lucky to see 4 hrs and my dad got about the same as us. Jim came to tell us what was happeneing and such so we sould be getting phonecalls and stuff over the next few days. This weekend a Wedding nextweekend I can see the funeral...

My familys getting smaller and smaller and the parts of the family I hold closest to me seem to be leaving... I dont like that sort of change I hate deaths and Funerals. I've been to far to many Funerals, Jim and Shonas Wedding was my first and that didnt end well.
I know my Uncle wouldnt have planned that. He wouldnt have wanted to wreck their Wedding day but I guess when that happened he was content seeing his son married, seeing him happy and in missing my Aunt Amy  desided not to battle for his life and to be with my Aunt instead...
I had a strange feeling all day and I guess I know why now... My Uncle George was unusally quite the past 2 days, plus he wasnt a drinker, but as it was a Wedding drinking is to be expected.

I'll miss my Uncle George as much as I miss my Aunt Amy. I'm not reduced to  my Uncle Johnny from my mum side. I dread who'll go next, I dread when someone on my mums side will fall ill. I s'pose I'm slightly selfish and I feel as if they shouldnt leave and they should always be there for me to talk to... I cant believe that happened after such a good day... Despite us all keeping an eye on him, getting help as soon as he fell, having nurses  already in the wedding.
I'd never seen Shona or Jim cry and I hope after the funeral I never have to again. They were always so stirdy and stong even at Aunt Amy's funeral...

I know I'll finally get over it but I dont like my Mum, Dad, Jim or Shona will.